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Posts Tagged ‘Jokes’

Tetanus

The old man in his mid-eighties struggles to get up
from the couch
then starts putting on his coat.

His wife, seeing the unexpected behavior, asks,
“Where are you going?”

He replies, “I’m going to the doctor.”

She says, “Why, are you sick?”

He says, “Nope, I’m going to get me some of that
Viagra stuff.”

Immediately the wife starts working and positioning
herself to get
out of her rocker and begins to put on her coat.

He says, “Where the h*ll are you going”?

She answers, “I’m going to the doctor, too.”

He says, “Why, what do you need?”

She says, “If you’re going to start using that rusty
old thing, I’m
getting a tetanus shot.”

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Snowman

Where does a Snowman go to Dance?

To the Snow Ball!

What does a Snowman eat for Breakfast?

Snow Flakes.

How does a Snowman travel around the Neighborhood?

He rides his icycle.

What does a Snowman take when he is sick?

A Chill Pill.

What is a Snowman’s favorite Drink?

Iced Tea!

What kind of Hat does a Snowman wear?

An Ice Cap.

What do you call a Snowman in the Tropics?

Lost!

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Christmas Party

What did the guest sing at the Eskimo’s Christmas party ?
Freeze a jolly fellow !

What party game did Jekyll like best ?
Hyde and Seek !

Did you hear about the man who went to the fancy dress party as a bone ?
A dog ate him in the hall !

What would you do if you saw Dracula, Frankenstein & The Swamp Thing ?
Hope they were going as a fancy dress party !

Why couldn’t the butterfly go to the Chistmas ball ?
It was a moth ball !

How did the chickens dance at the Christmas party ?
Chick to chick !

Did you hear about Dracula’s Christmas party ?
It was a scream !

Did you hear about the party with lots of fireworks, balloons & crackers ?
It went with a bang !

What did Dracula say at the Christmas party ?
Fancy a bite ?

Why couldn’t the skeleton go to the
Christmas Party ?
He had no body to go with !

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About Christmas

What do monkeys sing at Christmas ?
Jungle Bells, Jungle bells.. !

Why are Christmas trees like bad knitters ?
They both drop their needles !

What’s Christmas called in England ?
Yule Britannia !

What did the bald man say when he got a comb for Christmas ?
Thanks, I’ll never part with it !

Why is a burning candle like being thirsty ?
Beacause a little water ends both of them !

What do you get if you cross an apple with a Christmas tree ?
A pineapple !

What do you give a train driver for Christmas ?
Platform shoes !

What did the big candle say to the little candle ?
I’m going out tonight !

Whats happens to you at Christmas ?
Yule be happy !

How long does it take to burn a candle down ?
About a wick !

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