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Posts Tagged ‘comedy humour’

A Difficult Case

Two psychiatrists were at a convention. As they conversed over a drink, one asked, “What was your most difficult case?”

The other replied, “I had a patient who lived in a pure fantasy world. He believed that an uncle in South America was going to die and leave him a fortune. All day long he waited for a letter to arrive from an attorney. He never went out, he never did anything, he merely sat around and waited for this fantasy letter from this fantasy uncle. I worked with this man eight years.”

“What was the result?”

“It was an eight-year struggle. Every day for eight years, but I finally cured him. And then that stupid letter arrived!”

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Mothering Sunday U.K. 23rd March 2009

In lieu of the holiday, I thought I’d share a Mother’s Day joke. Did YOUR mother say any of these? (I know mine did!) Happy Mother’s Day everyone!

Things I learned from my Mother

1. My mother taught me to APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
“If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.”

2. My mother taught me about RELIGION.
“You better pray that will come out of the carpet.”

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
“If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week!”

4. My mother taught me about LOGIC.
“Because I said so, that’s why.”

5. My mother taught me about FORESIGHT.
“Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you’re in an accident..”

6. My mother taught me about IRONY.
“Keep crying, and I’ll give you something to cry about.”

7. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
“You’ll sit there until all that spinach is gone.”

8. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
“This room of yours looks like a tornado went through it.”

9. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
“If I told you once, I’ve told you a million times. Don’t exaggerate!”

10. My mother taught me about the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
“I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.”

11. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
“Stop acting like your father!”

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Idiots

“If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up,”

said the sarcastic teacher.

After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet.

“Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?!” inquired the teacher with a sneer.

“Well actually I don’t,” said the student,

“but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself.”

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