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Archive for the ‘Father Dear Father’ Category

Father Guffy roared from the pulpit to his parishioners: “The drink has killed millions– it rots their stomachs and they die in agony. Smoking has killed millions–it coats your lungs and you die in agony.

Overeating and consorting with loose women have also killed millions…”

” ‘Scuse me, Father,” hollered Reagan from the back, “but what is it that kills the people who live right?

Finnegin: My wife has a terrible habit of staying up ’til two o’clock in the morning. I can’t break her of it.

Keenan: What on earth is she doin’ at that time?

Finnegin: Waitin’ for me to come home.

Slaney phoned the maternity ward at the hospital. “Quick!” He said. “Send an ambulance, my wife is goin’ to have a baby!”

“Tell me, is this her first baby?” the intern asked. “No, this is her husband, Kevin, speakin’.”

“O’Ryan,” asked the druggist, “did that mudpack I gave you improve your wife’s appearance?”

“It did surely,” replied O’Ryan, “but it keeps fallin’ off!”

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