Archive for November, 2010

* How many safety inspectors does it take to light the bonfire?
4. One to light the match and three to hold the fire extinguisher
* How many civil servants does it take to set fire to Guy Fawkes?
23. One to strike the match and twenty two to fill in the paper work.
* How many Mafia hitmen does it take to light the bonfire?
3. One to set fire to the effigy, one to watch his back, and one to shoot any witnesses.
* How many aerospace engineers does it take to light the kindling sticks?
0. You don’t need a rocket science to start a bonfire.
* How many Apple employees does it take to flame Guy Fawkes?
5. One to light the match and four to design the t-shirt.
* How many Microsoft programmers does it take to start the bonfire?
0. Microsoft declares darkness to be a new standard.
* How many God-fearing, tax-paying, law-abiding men in Las Vegas does it take to light a bonfire?
Both of them.
* How many fish does it take to set the Guy Fawkes bonfire burning?

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O God, Beneath Thy Guiding Hand

Come, Ye Thankful People, Come

Count Your Blessings

Creation’s Lord, We Give Thee Thanks

Faith Of Our Fathers

For The Beauty Of The Earth

Give Thanks To God The Lord

Guide Me, O Thou Great Lord

I’m A Pilgrim

Lone Pilgrim

Now Yield We Thanks And Praise

O Lord, Our Father, Thanks To Thee

Ten Thousand Thanks To Jesus

Thanks To God

Lord Jesus, We Give Thanks To Thee

To Thee, O God, We Render Thanks

Now Thank We All Our God

We Gather Together

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The year has turned its circle,

The seasons come and go.

The harvest all is gathered in

And chilly north winds blow.

Orchards have shared their treasures,

The fields, their yellow grain,

So open wide the doorway –

Thanksgiving comes again!

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Give Me Both

A forgetful husband came to a butcher’s shop on Thanksgiving Day, almost at the closing time to look for a turkey. The butcher showed him the only scrawny turkey he had.

The man said, “This is too skinny. Do you have a fatter one?”

Thinking himself to be vary smart, butcher took the turkey back and went to the freezer and brought it back after a few minutes.

The man looked at the turkey for a long minute and then said thinking, “They are too thin. One won’t do. Why don’t you give me both? “

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If April showers bring May flowers
, what do May flowers bring?
Why do turkeys always go, “gobble, gobble”?
Because they never learned good table manners!
What always comes at the end of Thanksgiving?
The letter G!
When does Christmas come before Thanksgiving?
In the dictionary!
What key has legs and can’t open doors?
A turkey!
What happened when the turkey got into a fight?
He got the stuffing knocked out of him!
What did the Turkey say before it was roasted?
Boy, I’m stuffed!
Why did the police arrest the turkey?
They suspected it of foul play!
Which side of the turkey has the most feathers?
The outside!
Can a turkey jump higher than the Empire State Building?
Yes. A building can’t jump at all!
What sound does a space turkey make?
Hubble, Hubble, Hubble!
Why didn’t the turkey eat dessert?
He was already stuffed!
If the Pilgrims were alive today what would they be most famous for?
Their age!
What type of music did the Pilgrims like?
Plymouth Rock!
Why did the Pilgrims eat turkey at Thanksgiving?
Because they couldn’t fit the moose in the oven!
How did the Mayflower show that it liked America?
It hugged the shore!
When the Pilgrims landed, where did they stand?
On their feet!
When did the Pilgrims first say “God bless America”?
When they first heard America sneeze!
What’s the best thing to put into pumpkin pie?
Your teeth!

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