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Archive for October, 2010

What do you get when you cross Bambi with a ghost?
Bamboo.

What’s a haunted chicken?
A poultry-geist.

Why did the monster eat a light bulb?
Because he was in need of a light snack.

Why are most monsters covered in wrinkles?-
Have you ever tried to iron a monster?

What kind of mistakes do ghosts make?
Boo boos.

Why couldn’t Dracula’s wife get to sleep?
Because of his coffin

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Trip To Walmart

It was mid-October and I was waiting for my wife, Julie, at the checkout at Walmart supermarket in Worcester, Massachusetts, USA, I noticed that someone had left behind their broom.

When no one came to claim it, I went outside to search for a couple I remembered seeing at the cashier’s desk. I spotted them getting into their truck and hurried over.

‘Excuse me,’ I said to the young woman, ‘but did you by any chance leave your broom inside?’
‘No,’ she retorted quickly and with a smile, ‘we came by truck.’

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Halloweeen Jokes

Why did Dracula’s mother give him cough medicine?
Because he was having a coffin fit.
What did Dr. Frankenstein get when he put a goldfish brain in the body of his dog?
I don’t know, but it is great at chasing submarines.
Why wasn’t there any food left after the monster party?’
Cos everyone was a goblin.
Why did the vampire’s lunch give him heartburn?
It was a stake sandwich.
Dracula decided he need a dog, which breed did he choose?
A blood hound.
What would you call the ghost of a door-to-door salesman?
A dead ringer.
What do skeletons always order at a restaurant?
Spare ribs!
Who was the most famous French skeleton?
Napoleon bone-apart.
Who won the skeleton beauty contest?
No body.

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Daredevil pup Stanley attracts more than a few stares when he goes for a ‘walk’ in his miniature Spitfire. Passers-by might think the four month old wire-haired fox terrier is crazy, but he loves donning his flying hat, goggles and jacket for a spin reports the Metro.

Owners Phil and Sharon Cook, both in their 40s, mocked up the miniature plane for a Halloween party, but Stanley enjoyed it so much that they can be seen trundling around the streets near their home in Leigh, Essex. Mrs Cook added, ‘Stanley loves it. We decided to go for a Spitfire as a nod towards Remembrance Day. He is content to sit in the cockpit and watch the world go by.’

The plane is made from an old holdall attached to a skateboard, while Stanley’s flying hat is fashioned from an old cuddly toy.

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I was having trouble with my computer. So I called Rick the computer guy, to come over. Rick clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem. He gave me a bill for a minimum service call. As he was walking away, I called after him,
“So, what was wrong?”
He replied,
“It was an ID ten T error.”
I didn’t want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired:
“An ID ten T error?
What’s that … in case I need to fix it again?”
The computer guy grinned….
“Haven’t you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?”
“No,” I replied.
“Write it down,” he said, “
and I think you’ll figure it out.”
So I wrote out …… I D 1 0 T

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Marriage Jokes

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.
Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. ‘Careful,’ he said, ‘CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my gosh! You’re cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my gosh! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They’re going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you’re cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up!
Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don’t forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!’
The wife stared at him. ‘What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don’t know how to fry a couple of eggs?’
The husband calmly replied, ‘I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I’m driving.’

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Male Jokes

A man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy nightie. ‘Tie me up,’ she purred, ‘and you can do anything you want.’
So he tied her up and went golfing.

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