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Archive for November 11th, 2009

Japanese Golf

A Japanese family just arrived in the United states and stays at a moderate hotel in New York. As they ride up the elevator to their suite, a gentleman gets in at the next floor.

Stunned by the beauty of the Japanese daughter, the man tries to communicate with her, only to find she speaks no English. Undeterred, the man asks the father if he could take his daughter to dinner. Having some English experience from his many business trips to the states, the father communicates to the daughter and dinner plans are made.

After dinner, they head up to his suite. Well, one thing leads to another and as he starts going at it she starts moaning “Oshima!”. Believing this must mean she’s getting into it, he thrusts harder and harder and she is screaming “Oshima!, Oshima!!”.

The next morning, the gentleman invites the father to a round of golf, knowing how much the Japanese love the sport. On the first hole, the father tees up, and nails a hole in one. Thinking quickly, the gentleman yells out “Oshima!!”.

The father, with a complexed look, turns to the man and says…

“What the hell do you mean wrong hole?!”

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George Phillips of Meridian , Mississippi was going up to bed, when his wife told him that he’d left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window.

George opened the back door to go turn off the light, but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things.

He phoned the police, who asked “Is someone in your house?” He said “No.” Then they said “All patrols were busy. You should lock your doors and an officer will be along when one is available.”

George said, “Okay” He hung up the phone and counted to 30.

Then he phoned the police again. “Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed. Well, you don’t have to worry about them now because I just shot them.” and hung up.

Within five minutes, six Police Cars, a SWAT Team, a Helicopter, two Fire Trucks, a Paramedic, and an Ambulance showed up at the Phillips’ residence and caught the burglars r ed-handed.

One of the Policemen said to George, “I thought you said that you shot them!”

George said, “I thought you said there was nobody available!”

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