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Archive for August 10th, 2009

JOB INTERVIEW

An office manager was given the task of hiring an individual to fill a job opening. After sorting through a stack of resumes he found four people who were equally qualified. He decided to call the four in and ask them one question and their answer would determine who would get the job.

The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table the interviewer asked “What is the fastest thing you know of?” pointing to the man on his right.

The first man replied “A thought. It pops into your head. There’s no forewarning that it’s on the way, it’s just there. A thought is the fastest thing I know of.”

“That’s very good!” replied the interviewer. And now you sir?

He asked the second man. “Hmm…. let me see, A blink! It comes and goes and you don’t know ever happened. A blink is the fastest thing I know of.”

“Excellent!” said the interviewer “The blink of an eye. That’s a very popular cliché for speed.” as he turned to the third man who was contemplating his reply.

“Well, out at my dad’s ranch, you step out of the house and on the wall there’s a light switch, when you flip that switch, way out across the pasture the light at the barn comes on in an instant.” Turning on a light is the fastest thing I can think of.”

The interviewer was very impressed with the third answer and thought he had found his man. “It’s hard to beat the speed of light.” he said. Turning to the fourth man, he posed the question.

“After hearing the three previous answers, it’s obvious to me that the fastest thing known is diarrhoea.”

“WHAT!?” said the interviewer, stunned by the response.

“Oh I can explain.” said the fourth man. “You see the other day wasn’t feeling so good and I ran for the bathroom. But, before I could think, blink, or turn on the light, I’d crapped in my pants!”

He got the job.

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Coach Bobby Ross had put together the perfect Lions team. The only thing he was missing was a good quarterback. He had scouted all the colleges, and even the high schools, but he couldn’t find a ringer quarterback who could ensure a Super Bowl win.

Then one night, while watching CNN, he saw a war-zone scene in Bosnia. In one corner of the background, he spotted a young Bosnian soldier with a truly incredible arm.

He threw a hand grenade straight into a 15th-story window 200 yards away…

Ka-boom!

He throws another hand grenade into a group of 10 soldiers 100 yards away…

Ka-blooey!

Then a car passed, going 90 mph…

BAM! Bulls-eye!

“I’ve got to get me this guy!” Ross says to himself. “He’s got the perfect arm!”

So, without much cajoling he manages to bring the kid to the States, aways from the dangers of Bosnia and teaches him the great game of football.

That season the Lions go on to win the Super Bowl for the first time in history and the young, modest Bosnian becomes one of the Great Heroes of football. When Ross asks him what he wants, all the young man wants to do is to call his mother.

“Mom,” he says into the phone, “I just won the Super Bowl.”

“I spit on your superbowl, I don’t want to talk to you,” the old woman says. “You deserted us. You are not my son.”

“…But Mamma!” the young man pleads. “I just won the greatest sporting event in the world. Thousands of people are calling my name, our family name…”

“No, let me tell you,” the mother screams. “At this very moment, there are gunshots all around us. The neighborhood is a pile of rubble. Your two brothers were beaten within an inch of their lives last week, and this week your sister was raped in broad daylight.”

The old lady pauses, and then tearfully says “…I’ll never forgive you for making us move to Detroit.

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