Archive for April 30th, 2008

According to a news report, a certain private school in Victoria,
BC recently was faced with a unique problem.

A number of grade 12 girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.

Every night, the maintenance man would remove them and the next day, the girls would put them back.

Finally the principal decided that something had to be done.

He called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man. He explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night.

To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, he asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required.

He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it.

Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.

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Math Troubles

Little Tommy was doing very badly in math. His parents had
tried everything — tutors, flash cards, special learning
centers — in short, everything they could think of.
Finally, in a last ditch effort, they enrolled Tommy in
the local Catholic school.

After the first day, little Tommy came home with a very
serious look on his face. He didn’t even kiss his mother
hello. Instead, he went straight to his room and started
studying. Books and papers were spread out all over the
room and little Tommy was hard at work. His mother was
amazed. She called him down to dinner and to her utter
amazement, the minute he was done eating he marched
back to his room without a word, and in no time he was
back to hitting the books as hard as before.

This went on for some time, day after day, while his
mother tried to understand what was making all the

Finally, little Tommy brought home his report card.
He quietly laid it on the table and went up to his
room to hit the books. With great trepidation, his
mom looked at it and to her surprise, little Tommy
got an A in math. She could no longer hold her curiosity.

She went to his room and said, “Son, what is it?
Is it the nuns?”

Little Tommy looked at her and shook his head “no.”

“Well then,” she replied, “is it the books, the
discipline, the structure, the uniforms, what is it?”

Little Tommy looked at her and said, “Well, on the
first day of school, when I saw that guy nailed to
the plus sign, I knew they weren’t fooling around!”

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Noahs Ark


Plan ahead. It wasn’t raining when Noah built the ark.

“Stop what you are doing, and do what God says!”

Build your future on high ground.

Don’t forget that we’re all in the same boat.

Don’t listen to critics; just get on with the job that
needs to be done.

Don’t miss the boat.

For safety’s sake, travel in pairs.

If you can’t fight or flee — float!

If you have to start over, have a friend by your side.

No matter how bleak it looks, there’s always a rainbow
on the other side.

No matter the storm, when you are with God, there’s
always a rainbow waiting.

Plan ahead. It wasn’t raining when Noah built the Ark.

Remember that amateurs built the ark and professionals
built the Titanic.

Remember that the woodpeckers INSIDE are often a
bigger threat than the storm outside.

Remember that we are all in the same boat.

Remember, the Ark was built by amateurs; the Titanic
by professionals.

Speed isn’t always an advantage. The cheetahs were on
board, but so were the snails.

Stay below deck during the storm.

Stay fit. When you’re 600 years old, someone may ask
you to do something really big.

Take care of your animals as if they were the last
ones on earth.

Two heads are better than one.

When the doo-doo gets really deep, don’t sit there and
complain — shovel!!!

When you’re stressed, float a while.

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Those holiday treats took a toll on ya’
Didn’t they? And now……you’re

And paying for all those goodies you just had to

Well guess what is on the plate for your
Next meal ! You get to………

Now don’t panic and

Cause its almost the new year and
All you have to do is use some good ol’

And out run that

And keep em’ New Year’s resolution.

If you just follow this plan you’ll

And be back to normal…..after
Two bottles of Rolaids…….one round
Of laxatives……….walking 3 miles every
Morning….and having your mouth wired shut.


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