Ice Fishing

A blonde wanted to go ice fishing.
She’d seen many books on the subject, and finally, after getting all the necessary “tools” together, she made for the nearest frozen lake.
After positioning her comfy stool, she started to make a circular cut in the ice.
Suddenly, from the sky, a voice boomed, “THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE [...]

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Valentines

Q: What did the stamp say to the envelope?
A: I’m stuck on you.
Q: What do squirrels give for Valentine’s Day?
A: Forget-me-nuts.
Q: What happens when you fall in love with a french chef?
A: You get buttered up.
Q: What is the difference between a girl who is sick of her boyfriend and a sailor who falls into [...]

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Only Two Parachutes

A lawyer, a priest, and a young boy were in a plane that was going to crash, yet they only had 2 parachutes. The lawyer proclaimed that since he was the smartest man on the plane, that he deserved to survive. He took a chute and jumped.
The priest looked and the young boy, and [...]

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Mrs Hatcher

Ninety-four-year-old Mrs. Hatcher showed up at her lawyer’s
office one Monday morning. “I want you to begin divorce
proceedings,” she announced.
The lawyer was aghast. When he regained his composure, he said,
“Mrs. Hatcher, you and your husband have been married for over
seventy years. What in the world could have happened to make
you want to get divorced at this [...]

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Irish Smile

New Irish Priest in Boston Father Kelly rose from his bed. It was a fine spring day in his new Southie parish. He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the beautiful day outside. He then noticed there was a jackass lying dead in the middle [...]

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Middle Age

A middle aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital.
While on the operating table, she had a near death experience. Seeing God, she asked, “Is my time up”?
God said, “No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live.”
Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital [...]

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Duck Bill

A man took his old duck to the Doctor, concerned
because the duck wouldn’t eat.
The Doctor explained to the man that as ducks age
their upper bills grow down over their lower bills and
make it difficult for the animal to pick up it’s food.
“What you need to do is gently file the upper bill
down even with the [...]

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Real Newspaper Adds

Believe it or not, the following announcements actually appeared in various church bulletins.
Don’t let worry kill you — let the church help.
Thursday night – Potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow.
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have [...]

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Do You Go To Church?

A friend was in front of me coming out of church one day, and the preacher was standing at the door as he always is to shake hands. He grabbed my friend by the hand and pulled him aside.
The Pastor said to him, “You need to join the Army of the Lord!”
My friend replied, “I’m [...]

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One Easter Sunday

One Easter Sunday in a large Baptist church in Birmingham, Al., the minister decided to have all the young children come forward to the front of the sanctuary in their new Easter outfits for a quick “children’s sermon.” He couldn’t help but notice one especially pretty little blond-haired, blue-eyed girl about five or six years [...]

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