Ice Fishing

A blonde wanted to go ice fishing.
She’d seen many books on the subject, and finally, after getting all the necessary “tools” together, she made for the nearest frozen lake.
After positioning her comfy stool, she started to make a circular cut in the ice.
Suddenly, from the sky, a voice boomed, “THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE [...]

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Only Two Parachutes

A lawyer, a priest, and a young boy were in a plane that was going to crash, yet they only had 2 parachutes. The lawyer proclaimed that since he was the smartest man on the plane, that he deserved to survive. He took a chute and jumped.
The priest looked and the young boy, and [...]

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Mrs Hatcher

Ninety-four-year-old Mrs. Hatcher showed up at her lawyer’s
office one Monday morning. “I want you to begin divorce
proceedings,” she announced.
The lawyer was aghast. When he regained his composure, he said,
“Mrs. Hatcher, you and your husband have been married for over
seventy years. What in the world could have happened to make
you want to get divorced at this [...]

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Real Newspaper Adds

Believe it or not, the following announcements actually appeared in various church bulletins.
Don’t let worry kill you — let the church help.
Thursday night – Potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow.
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have [...]

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Do You Go To Church?

A friend was in front of me coming out of church one day, and the preacher was standing at the door as he always is to shake hands. He grabbed my friend by the hand and pulled him aside.
The Pastor said to him, “You need to join the Army of the Lord!”
My friend replied, “I’m [...]

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One Easter Sunday

One Easter Sunday in a large Baptist church in Birmingham, Al., the minister decided to have all the young children come forward to the front of the sanctuary in their new Easter outfits for a quick “children’s sermon.” He couldn’t help but notice one especially pretty little blond-haired, blue-eyed girl about five or six years [...]

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I know Something

I figured that at age seven it was inevitable for my son to begin having doubts about Santa Claus. Sure enough, one day he said, “Mom, I know something about Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy.” Taking a deep breath, I asked him, “What is that?”
He replied, “They’re all nocturnal.”

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Walk Into A Drugstore

A lady walks into the drugstore and asks the pharmacist for some arsenic.
“Ma’am, what do you want with arsenic?” “To kill my husband.”
“I can’t sell you arsenic to kill a person!”
The lady lays down a photo of a man and a woman in a compromising position.
The man [...]

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One Easter Sunday

One Easter Sunday in a large Baptist church in Birmingham, Al., the minister decided to have all the young children come forward to the front of the sanctuary in their new Easter outfits for a quick “children’s sermon.” He couldn’t help but notice one especially pretty little blond-haired, blue-eyed girl about five or six years [...]

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2006

1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.
2. You haven’t played solitaire with real cards in years.
3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.
4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.
5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family [...]

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