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Archive for October, 2009

5 Things Women Will Never Understand

Posted in 5 Things Women Will Never Understand, tagged on October 21, 2009 | Leave a Comment »

Men are a misunderstood lot, which all in all is probably for the best. Women are better off not knowing that we eat with our hands the minute they leave the room or that we use their nail clippers to trim our nose hair. Better for them, better for us. Still, it’s annoying that women [...]

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The Devil And The Golfer

Posted in The Devil And The Golfer, tagged on October 21, 2009 | Leave a Comment »

A stranger walks up to him and whispers, “Would you give up a fourth of your sex life?”
The golfer thinks the man is crazy and that his answer will be meaningless but also that perhaps this is a good omen and will put him in the right frame of mind to make the difficult putt [...]

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Idiot Sayings

Posted in Idiot Sayings, tagged on October 21, 2009 | Leave a Comment »

“I have opinions of my own –strong opinions– but I don’t always agree with them.”
- George Bush, former U.S. President
“It is white.”
- George W. Bush, when asked what the White house was like by a student in East London
“If it weren’t for electricity we’d all be watching television by candlelight.”
- George Gobel
“Solutions are not the [...]

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Absent-Minded Lawyers

Posted in Absent-Minded Lawyers, tagged on October 20, 2009 | Leave a Comment »

Judge Jerry Buchmeyer of the US District Court for the Northern District of Texas writes a monthly article for the Texas Bar Journal. Often, he cites unusual exchanges between lawyers and witnesses during trials.
The following true exchange says it all:
Lawyer: “So, Doctor, you determined that a gunshot wound was the cause of death of the [...]

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Abbott and Costello Meet Windows 95

Posted in Abbott and Costello Meet Windows 95, tagged on October 20, 2009 | Leave a Comment »

Costello: Hey, Abbott!
Abbott: Yes, Lou?
Costello: I just got my first computer.
Abbott: That’s great Lou. What did you get?
Costello: A Pentium II-266, with 40 Megs of RAM, a 2.1 Gig
hard drive, and a 24X CD-ROM.
Abbott: That’s terrific, Lou
Costello: But I don’t know what [...]

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A-Hiking We Will Go

Posted in A Hiking we will go, tagged on October 20, 2009 | Leave a Comment »

Last summer, my husband, took me camping for the first time. At every opportunity, he passed along outdoor-survival lore. One day we got lost hiking in the deep woods. He tried the usual tactics to determine direction — moss on the trees (there was none), direction of the sun (it was an overcast day), etc., [...]

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REASONS WHY CHOCOLATE IS BETTER THAN WOMEN

Posted in REASONS WHY CHOCOLATE IS BETTER THAN WOMEN, tagged on October 12, 2009 | Leave a Comment »

Chocolate never keeps you waiting.
Chocolate doesn’t get jealous when you look at another chocolate bar.
You never have to buy a box of chocolates for a box of chocolates.
Chocolate doesn’t talk incessantly while you’re watching the football.
It doesn’t expect you to remember the anniversary of the first time you met.
Chocolate never tries to chat up [...]

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REASONS WHY CHOCOLATE IS BETTER THAN MEN

Posted in REASONS WHY CHOCOLATE IS BETTER THAN MEN, tagged on October 12, 2009 | Leave a Comment »

No one’s ever been jilted by a chocolate gateau. After telling your chocolate bar all your worries you can simply eat it. You can share chocolates with your best friend. A bar of chocolate doesn’t bore you by constantly talking about football. Your mother will never disapprove of your choice of chocolate.

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