Walk Into A Drugstore

A lady walks into the drugstore and asks the pharmacist for some arsenic.
“Ma’am, what do you want with arsenic?” “To kill my husband.”
“I can’t sell you arsenic to kill a person!”
The lady lays down a photo of a man and a woman in a compromising position.
The man [...]

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Real Church Bloopers

Don’t let worry kill you. Let the Church help.· Thursday night-Potluck Supper. Prayer and medication to follow.
· Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
· For those of you who have children and don\’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
· Thursday at 5PM there will be a meeting of [...]

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One Easter Sunday

One Easter Sunday in a large Baptist church in Birmingham, Al., the minister decided to have all the young children come forward to the front of the sanctuary in their new Easter outfits for a quick “children’s sermon.” He couldn’t help but notice one especially pretty little blond-haired, blue-eyed girl about five or six years [...]

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2006

1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.
2. You haven’t played solitaire with real cards in years.
3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.
4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.
5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family [...]

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7 Men

The Doctor – who tells her to “take off all her clothes.”
The Dentist – who tells her to “open wide.”
The Milkman – who asks her “do you want it in the front or the back?”
The Hairdresser – who asks her “do you want it teased or blown?”
The Interior Designer – who tells her “once [...]

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Officers First Patrol

A rookie police officer was assigned to ride in a cruiser with an experienced partner. A call came over the car’s radio telling them to disperse some people who were loitering.
The officers drove to the street and observed a small crowd standing on a corner. The rookie rolled down his window and said, “Let’s get [...]

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Texas Computer Terms

LOG ON: Making a wood stove hotter.
LOG OFF: Don’t add no more wood.
MONITOR: Keeping an eye on the wood stove.
DOWNLOAD: Gettin’ the farwood off the truck
MEGA HERTZ: When yer not keerful gettin’ the farwood
FLOPPY DISC: Whatcha git from tryin to carry too much farwood
RAM: That thing tha splits the farwood
HARD DRIVE: Gettin’ home in the [...]

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Mothering Sunday

Mothering Sunday U.K. 23rd March 2009
In lieu of the holiday, I thought I’d share a Mother’s Day joke. Did YOUR mother say any of these? (I know mine did!) Happy Mother’s Day everyone!
Things I learned from my Mother
1. My mother taught me to APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
“If you’re going to kill each other, do [...]

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Idiots Joke

Charlie borrowed his friends Volkswagen, while his car was in the garage. When he got into it, he found out it would not start. So he got out and raised the hood and looked down in amazement. This other guy came by driving in his Volkswagen and saw that this guys was in trouble, so [...]

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