Corny Oneliners

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor
Atheism is a non-prophet organization
If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live
Could it be that all those trick-or-treaters wearing sheets aren’t going as ghosts, but as [...]

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Out of Office

* I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Be prepared for my mood.
* You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn’t have received anything at all.
* I will be [...]

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2 Pork Chops

A woman walks into a restaurant, and sat down, and said to the waiter, “I’d like two pork chops, and make them lean.”
The waiter replied, “Yes, ma’am. Which way?”

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Thanksgiving Groaners

1. What did the turkey say just before he was roasted?
Boy, am I stuffed!
2. What kind of music did the Pilgrims listen to?
Plymouth Rock.
3. How did the Mayflower show that it liked America?
It hugged the shore.
4. the police arrest the turkey?
They suspected it of fowl play.
5. What’s the key to a great Thanksgiving dinner?
The turKEY.
6. [...]

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Corny Christmas Jokes

What did the dog breeder get when she crossed an Irish Setter with a Pointer at Christmastime?
A “pointsetter”!
What do sheep say to each other at Christmastime?
Merry Christmas to ewe!
What do sheep say to shepherds at Christmastime?
Season’s Bleatings!
How do sheep say Merry Christmas in Mexico?
Fleece Navidad!
How do Chihuahua’s say Merry Christmas?
Fleas Navidog!
What’s the best thing to [...]

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Father Christmas Jokes

What do you get if you cross Father Christmas with a detective?
Santa Clues !
Father Christmas win a saucepan in a competition.

Now thats what you call pot luck !

What do the reindeer sing to Father Christmas on his birthday ?

Freeze a jolly good fellow !

What do you call a man who claps at Christmas [...]

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Christmas Knock Knock Jokes

Father Christmas win a saucepan in a competition.
Now thats what you call pot luck !
What do the reindeer sing to Father Christmas on his birthday ?
Freeze a jolly good fellow !
What do you call a man who claps at Christmas ?
Santapplause !
Twinkle Twinkle chocolate bar
Santa drives a rusty car
Press the starter
Press the choke
Off he goes [...]

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A Microsoft Christmas

NORTH POLE (API) – MICROSOFT announced an agreement with Santa Claus Industries to acquire Christmas at a press conference held via satellite from Santa’s summer estate somewhere in the southern hemisphere. In the deal, Microsoft would gain exclusive rights to Christmas, Reindeer, and other unspecified inventions. In addition, Microsoft will gain access to millions of [...]

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George Carlin Quotes

NORTH POLE (API) – MICROSOFT announced an agreement with Santa Claus Industries to acquire Christmas at a press conference held via satellite from Santa’s summer estate somewhere in the southern hemisphere. In the deal, Microsoft would gain exclusive rights to Christmas, Reindeer, and other unspecified inventions. In addition, Microsoft will gain access to millions of [...]

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Knock Knock

NORTH POLE (API) – MICROSOFT announced an agreement with Santa Claus Industries to acquire Christmas at a press conference held via satellite from Santa’s summer estate somewhere in the southern hemisphere. In the deal, Microsoft would gain exclusive rights to Christmas, Reindeer, and other unspecified inventions. In addition, Microsoft will gain access to millions of [...]

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